Love and Beginning Anew

The number one emailed article in the New York Times this week is “That Loving Feeling Takes a Lot of Work.” It outlines familiar statistics around marriage failure and makes a few (very) modest proposals about how to care for our marriages: talk more, touch more, play more. The article’s popularity in light of its relative vacuity highlights how delicate most marriages feel and how desperately we long for their health.

Last week, I stood before a lovely couple who had walked the path of a first marriage and had summoned the love and courage to try again. To make a marriage last a lifetime may take talking, touching, and playing, but I’m convinced it takes even more. Here’s what I shared with all who gathered:

"On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. When the wine gave out, the mother of Jesus said to him, "They have no wine." And Jesus said to her, "Woman, what concern is that to you and to me? My hour has not yet come." His mother said to the servants, "Do whatever he tells you." Now standing there were six stone water jars for the Jewish rites of purification, each holding twenty or thirty gallons. Jesus said to them, "Fill the jars with water." And they filled them up to the brim. He said to them, "Now draw some out, and take it to the chief steward." So they took it. When the steward tasted the water that had become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew), the steward called the bridegroom and said to him, "Everyone serves the good wine first, and then the inferior wine after the guests have become drunk. But you have kept the good wine until now." Jesus did this, the first of his signs, in Cana of Galilee, and revealed his glory; and his disciples believed in him." (John 2:1-11)

One of the great joys of our lives is the privilege of joining in the festivities that surround a wedding. The Bible tells us it’s not only a part of our lives; it’s a part of our faith. In the gospel story we just read, we’re reminded that Jesus himself enjoyed a wedding party, enjoyed it so much that he decided to keep the party going by providing a little more wine for those who gathered, 180 gallons more to be exact. Dean and Lucy, we’re expecting the same at the reception, so you may want to start selling a few more houses.

As an ordained person I get called upon to take part in quite a few weddings, and I confess that it’s not always as easy for me to enjoy them as much as I have this one. Maybe it’s because in so many weddings I get the feeling that the wedding service is not taken as seriously as the reception. Or, it might be because the minister can sometimes feel rented much in the same manner as the tuxedos. But I think the real reason is that often there so much attention lavished on the wedding and so little on the marriage. The thoughtfulness with which you have approached this commitment is impressive, the care you have lavished on the quality of your relationship is heartening, and we believe it promises great things for you in the years to come.

As you approach this journey let me offer just a couple of thoughts that emerge from the passage we read a moment ago. First, Jesus comes when and where he is invited. If you read this passage closely enough, you’ll notice that the gospel writer differentiates between the guests. Jesus’ mother was there, though it doesn’t say whether she was invited. Other guests – neighbors, extended family, long term friends, all gathered for the wedding feast, but the writer says Jesus attended upon specific invitation, and his presence made the party infinitely better. It’s a good reminder to the two of you, so capable, so able, so can do, that you can probably pull off most any event, meet any challenge, rise to most any occasion but when Jesus gets invited the journey becomes memorable, almost magical.

Unforeseen problems are resolved, scarcity is remedied, and your capacity is multiplied. It’s a good reminder for the two of you amidst the many transitions and challenges and opportunities that will be yours over the next months and years. In the press of it all, be sure to remember your most important invitee. Invite him come not just to your wedding party, but to stay for the journey which will surely be stronger if he is the binding cord.

The second observation is to consider making Mary’s charge to the servants his charge to you. In a moment of conflict, potential public embarrassment and stress, she tells the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” They did, and not only did the issue get resolved, scarcity turned to abundance, stress turned to joy, and conflict was transformed into a defining moment in their lives. Let Mary’s charge to the servants be for you as well. Do whatever he tells you and watch scarcity turn into abundance, conflict into and joy.

Now a final observation. There were six vessels impacted by the miracle Jesus performed that day. Seeing the six of you: Ashley, Katherine, Libba, Alex, Bobby and John makes me realize that you have the same potential. Each of you children can, without being disloyal to the other parent or his memory, celebrate and participate in the blessings that will come with this new marriage. And in fact, the real miracle at Cana was not just all the wine; it was Jesus' capacity to turn the ordinary into extraordinary.

That’s what we really long for today. You two have stood in a place this before. You’re not naïve about marriage. Sometimes marriage is like the wine at the wedding and simply runs out.

But when that happened, Jesus, with regret at first, then resolution, seized the opportunity. And when he was done the steward of the spirits marveled in delight with the couple, saying. “You’ve saved the best until now.”

I am so privileged today to be the “steward of spirits” at your wedding, and I say, so may it be with you. The best … now. Amen.

Footnote: Thanks to my dear friend Walter Jones and his thoughts in his lovely book “Light Shining Through” for many of these thoughts.