"Does my wedding have to include all those political statements?" she asked after the rehearsal.
This was nearly seven years ago, and I had no idea what she was talking about.
"I'm sorry. I don't understand. What political statements?"
"All those political statements you started the rehearsal with. They make a lot of folks in the wedding party uncomfortable, including me."
I still didn't get it and asked her to be more specific.
"I can't quote exactly what you said, but all that language about marriage being "between a man and a woman..., a gift of God in which a man and a woman..., where a man and a woman mean to make a life together..." It's all so political. I'd like my wedding to be about God and the love that brought me and my fiancé together. Can you just leave that other stuff out?"
I was taken aback and a touch defensive. After all, I was just saying what I'd been saying for twenty years, what they taught me to say in seminary, what the Book of Common Worship prescribes. I had no intention of making a political statement. Yet this earnest request: Could you please take out all those political statements?
Since then, I realized that our culture had changed dramatically while I was too busy raising children to notice.. That happens you know. The hour hand moves, the calendar flips, the millennium shifts and before you know it what you said before means something entirely different now. Ask someone whose last name is Gay. Tell your young adult children you went hiking on the "Old Negro Bill" trail. Inquire of a teenager what 'ginger' means to her. The meaning of language changes according to context. My earnest bride knew her context and was simply asking me to be attentive to it as well.
I did, of course, refine my use of language in her wedding ceremony and nearly all ceremonies since. It was a simple fix: wherever the Book of Common Worship mentioned "man and woman" I simply replaced the words "two people." Marriage is a 'covenant between two people…, a gift in which two people…, where two people mean to make a life together…." Those for whom these things are extremely important found the change to be a God-honoring act of respect and consideration. Those for whom marriage is designed as a covenant strictly between a man and woman found the change so insignificant as to be nearly invisible. Sometimes it is pretty easy to please nearly everybody!
I'm glad our General Assembly has taken he first step to change the Book of Common Worship to say 'two people." Because the hour hand has moved, the calendar has flipped, the millennium has shifted, and it's time for us to return the wedding service to its original intent, a worship service honoring our God who gives two people the gift of love.
Bob, what you have done is a pure miracle - I don't know that I have EVER been able to please everybody in a professional setting. Nice work! Hank
ReplyDeleteBob, I think the critical issue here is to be faithful to the only unfailing guide we have and that is the Scripture. I would have been pleased if you had taken the opportunity to answer the young lady by pointing out what God laid out what His plan for human sexuality. As well as his plan for marriage. That is not political. If one wants a secular wedding they are available. If one wants a sacramental wedding then one should understand what makes it a sacrament that it follows God's laws and ordinances. When the Church uses current societal beliefs as a guide to approved behavior rather than the Scripture, no matter how prayerful, it risks encouraging people to continue, or begin to sin. The Church then sets up men as God. The collective will of men maybe a slightly better guide than the will of one man, but not always, remember "the madness of crowds". Telling people that it is okay to violate scripture because we want to show love, or avoid the approbation of the community, or to be respected by the intelligentsia is very risky. All sins are forgivable, but not if the perpetrator does not believe it is a sin and therefore does not ask for forgiveness. We are called to love the sinner, and show him or her that the love of God through Jesus will give them eternal life. God will save who He will, so we only risk making a unbelievers life more difficult, but I would not want to have to answer for that on judgement day.
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